1 00:00:02,000 --> 00:00:04,959 No way, you and Mark finally broke up? Yeah, last week. 2 00:00:04,960 --> 00:00:07,719 Well, now you're single, you can have some fun. I've already started! 3 00:00:07,720 --> 00:00:11,239 You little minx! Come on who was it? Was he fit? 4 00:00:11,240 --> 00:00:12,839 Kind of, yeah. 5 00:00:12,840 --> 00:00:17,519 He's about five-eleven, good teeth, slightly wonky eyes, thin hair. 6 00:00:17,520 --> 00:00:20,439 He sounds vile. How drunk were you? 7 00:00:20,440 --> 00:00:22,240 I was pretty pissed, actually. 8 00:00:23,240 --> 00:00:25,359 I just recall waking up in his weird house 9 00:00:25,360 --> 00:00:28,279 and meeting his freaky friends. 10 00:00:28,280 --> 00:00:34,720 This programme contains adult behaviour and some strong language 11 00:00:36,160 --> 00:00:38,519 Morning. Can I get you some breakfast? 12 00:00:38,520 --> 00:00:41,599 Argh! No, I won't suck you off, Louis Walsh! 13 00:00:41,600 --> 00:00:42,639 What's going on? 14 00:00:42,640 --> 00:00:43,959 There's a strange man in your room. 15 00:00:43,960 --> 00:00:47,999 No, he's all right. He's just here to take our breakfast order, eh, Eddie? 16 00:00:48,000 --> 00:00:49,200 That's right, Don. 17 00:00:50,120 --> 00:00:51,839 Plus, I just gave him a quick bed bath. 18 00:00:51,840 --> 00:00:54,239 He does tend to get a bit pongy after intercourse. 19 00:00:54,240 --> 00:00:55,799 Argh! Argh! 20 00:00:55,800 --> 00:00:56,959 'And if that wasn't bad enough, 21 00:00:56,960 --> 00:00:59,639 'I was getting out of his shower when suddenly...' 22 00:00:59,640 --> 00:01:01,279 Argh! 23 00:01:01,280 --> 00:01:02,439 All right? 24 00:01:02,440 --> 00:01:07,399 The toilet's blocked. Dickhead won't pay to get it fixed. 25 00:01:07,400 --> 00:01:09,559 Oh, get me out of here. 26 00:01:09,560 --> 00:01:11,519 'And then the strangest thing...' 27 00:01:11,520 --> 00:01:12,599 Oh. 28 00:01:12,600 --> 00:01:18,079 Ah, let me guess, you slept with Don, woke up to find an overgrown baby sat on the edge of the bed 29 00:01:18,080 --> 00:01:21,879 offering you some breakfast and then met an old lady who looks surprisingly similar to Gollum, 30 00:01:21,880 --> 00:01:23,519 probably doing something incredibly vile? 31 00:01:23,520 --> 00:01:25,519 Urgh. 32 00:01:25,520 --> 00:01:28,080 SHE GIGGLES 33 00:01:34,240 --> 00:01:38,239 No doubt she'll be ringing me up soon, requesting another session with the quim ninja. 34 00:01:38,240 --> 00:01:41,479 Erm, she didn't look like a returner, to me. 35 00:01:41,480 --> 00:01:42,919 Wait... 36 00:01:42,920 --> 00:01:46,159 Has there ever been a returner? Oh, you're so evil, Samantha. 37 00:01:46,160 --> 00:01:48,519 Oh, poor Donald. 38 00:01:48,520 --> 00:01:52,160 If it's any consolation, I think I'm just as bad with relationships as you are. 39 00:01:53,280 --> 00:01:55,559 Right, I'm going to go for a bath, before uni. 40 00:01:55,560 --> 00:01:59,439 Is the hot water back on, Eddie? Oh, you betsy. Fixed the boiler last night. 41 00:01:59,440 --> 00:02:01,559 Must tackle the loo next. 42 00:02:01,560 --> 00:02:04,959 Eddie, what have I told you about coming into my bedroom when I've got a chicklet in there? 43 00:02:04,960 --> 00:02:08,159 Try to wash you very, very quietly? 44 00:02:08,160 --> 00:02:09,240 Exactly. 45 00:02:11,120 --> 00:02:13,120 There is a massive shit in the bathtub! 46 00:02:14,960 --> 00:02:18,080 Gollum went poo-poo! 47 00:02:38,000 --> 00:02:39,919 Ah, Christmas. 48 00:02:39,920 --> 00:02:41,679 The time for the sharing and giving. 49 00:02:41,680 --> 00:02:45,879 Chestnuts roasting on an open fire. 50 00:02:45,880 --> 00:02:47,599 Families together. 51 00:02:47,600 --> 00:02:49,799 And, of course, Santa. 52 00:02:49,800 --> 00:02:52,120 Well, two Santas... 53 00:02:53,080 --> 00:02:54,440 ..beating the crap out of each other. 54 00:02:55,920 --> 00:02:57,479 Yep, that's me. 55 00:02:57,480 --> 00:02:59,479 You probably want to know what's going on. 56 00:02:59,480 --> 00:03:03,439 Let me take you back a few weeks, to the beginning of December. 57 00:03:03,440 --> 00:03:10,239 Ho! Ho! Ho! Merry Christmas. 58 00:03:10,240 --> 00:03:13,919 Guess what I've just got a job as? 59 00:03:13,920 --> 00:03:14,959 Erm... 60 00:03:14,960 --> 00:03:17,359 Elvis impersonator? No. 61 00:03:17,360 --> 00:03:19,199 A lap dancer? God, no. 62 00:03:19,200 --> 00:03:24,159 Roller skating waitress in a 1950s themed restaurant? That's a good one! 63 00:03:24,160 --> 00:03:28,239 No! I'm the local community centre's new Santa Claus. 64 00:03:28,240 --> 00:03:31,159 No, I don't see it. 65 00:03:31,160 --> 00:03:34,519 What happened to Greg Pitcher? He's been doing Santa for years. 66 00:03:34,520 --> 00:03:38,359 Oh no, poor Mr Pitcher can't do it this year. How come? 67 00:03:38,360 --> 00:03:42,679 I can't remember. I think he's got a cold or something. 68 00:03:42,680 --> 00:03:46,600 Oh no, that's it! He was caught having sexual intercourse with a child. 69 00:03:50,000 --> 00:03:53,559 Ho! Ho! Ho! Merry Christmas! 70 00:03:53,560 --> 00:03:55,599 Hang on, what about Gollum? 71 00:03:55,600 --> 00:03:58,039 I thought you were meant to be looking after her. 72 00:03:58,040 --> 00:04:01,639 Oh no, that's the great thing, I get to bring her along. 73 00:04:01,640 --> 00:04:02,679 All right? 74 00:04:02,680 --> 00:04:07,000 The kids adore her! 75 00:04:09,520 --> 00:04:12,079 Argh! It's a massive rat! 76 00:04:12,080 --> 00:04:17,759 They give her all kind of pet names. Eddie I'm hungry, make me dinner. 77 00:04:17,760 --> 00:04:21,559 Now, Dot, that's not really the way to ask, now is it? 78 00:04:21,560 --> 00:04:23,800 Oh, BLEEP off, you BLEEPing BLEEPing BLEEP. 79 00:04:25,520 --> 00:04:26,839 I'm telling you, she is getting worse. 80 00:04:26,840 --> 00:04:30,439 I have never met an old person like her. 81 00:04:30,440 --> 00:04:33,679 You know, the other day she asked me if I used a vibrator. Eugh! 82 00:04:33,680 --> 00:04:34,719 Do you? 83 00:04:34,720 --> 00:04:36,559 That is not the point. What is the point? 84 00:04:36,560 --> 00:04:39,000 She asked if she could borrow it. Oh! 85 00:04:41,120 --> 00:04:41,680 And did she? Oh you! 86 00:04:44,800 --> 00:04:46,639 'I'm still crazy about Sam. 87 00:04:46,640 --> 00:04:49,439 'I'm starting to think I've missed my opportunity.' 88 00:04:49,440 --> 00:04:52,279 I don't know what's wrong with me. I use to be so confident. 89 00:04:52,280 --> 00:04:55,439 But with Sam, I'm just nervous she's going to knock me back. 90 00:04:55,440 --> 00:04:56,639 What do you think? 91 00:04:56,640 --> 00:04:59,559 I think they're too small, can I try the size 9s? 92 00:04:59,560 --> 00:05:01,679 Certainly, sir. 93 00:05:01,680 --> 00:05:05,039 'I started working in a shoe shop about a month ago. 94 00:05:05,040 --> 00:05:09,640 'The art galley closed down, so I had to get a proper job. And it sucks.' 95 00:05:12,160 --> 00:05:13,639 Urgh! You couldn't just have worn some socks? 96 00:05:13,640 --> 00:05:17,519 But I hate wearing foot shoes. I like to let my toes breathe. 97 00:05:17,520 --> 00:05:21,079 'I hate everything about this job, especially my boss.' 98 00:05:21,080 --> 00:05:23,119 Don. 99 00:05:23,120 --> 00:05:25,599 Can I have a word, please? 100 00:05:25,600 --> 00:05:27,719 'Oh no, Jason's not my boss, not any more, anyway.' 101 00:05:27,720 --> 00:05:31,199 Do you want to grab some lunch? Oh, yes, please. 102 00:05:31,200 --> 00:05:33,839 Hello, where do you think you're going, Pops? 103 00:05:33,840 --> 00:05:34,959 'This is my boss.' 104 00:05:34,960 --> 00:05:37,559 Oh, lunch. It's 12.59. 105 00:05:37,560 --> 00:05:41,199 Yeah, lunch is at one. It's not one, though, is it? It's 12.59. 106 00:05:41,200 --> 00:05:44,320 I think someone's overdue to know the difference. 107 00:05:49,720 --> 00:05:51,679 Right. 108 00:05:51,680 --> 00:05:52,759 Off you scoot. 109 00:05:52,760 --> 00:05:54,679 And I'd try avoiding the carbs. 110 00:05:54,680 --> 00:05:57,919 I know what people your age are like for napping in the afternoon. 111 00:05:57,920 --> 00:06:00,719 Why do you keep calling me old? We're practically the same age. 112 00:06:00,720 --> 00:06:04,519 I don't think so, Gramps. I'm 24, what are you, 40? 113 00:06:04,520 --> 00:06:06,279 I'm 29! 114 00:06:06,280 --> 00:06:07,400 Ha! 115 00:06:09,400 --> 00:06:12,880 All right I'm 30...something. Yeah. 116 00:06:15,760 --> 00:06:20,239 'Jason also got a job in the shopping centre. He is the manager of a posh supermarket.' 117 00:06:20,240 --> 00:06:22,519 I miss the art gallery. 118 00:06:22,520 --> 00:06:24,319 We used to have such a laugh, didn't we? 119 00:06:24,320 --> 00:06:26,359 Don, you were the bane of my life. 120 00:06:26,360 --> 00:06:27,920 Oh, thanks, Jace! 121 00:06:29,680 --> 00:06:31,919 'I never would have predicted it, but we've become good friends.' 122 00:06:31,920 --> 00:06:34,079 Where are you going to be this Christmas? 123 00:06:34,080 --> 00:06:37,319 Just at home on my own, I guess. That's depressing. Yeah. 124 00:06:37,320 --> 00:06:40,160 Do you always spend it alone? No, not always. 125 00:06:43,000 --> 00:06:45,439 Merry Christmas, Mr Homeless Man. 126 00:06:45,440 --> 00:06:48,039 Merry Christmas, Don. 127 00:06:48,040 --> 00:06:49,959 Ooh, somebody's had too much! 128 00:06:49,960 --> 00:06:53,319 No, no turkey this year, but I've got a lovely big ham. 129 00:06:53,320 --> 00:06:55,920 I'm afraid you are just for Christmas. 130 00:06:57,320 --> 00:06:59,959 So you still not made a move on Sam yet? No. Why? 131 00:06:59,960 --> 00:07:02,959 Her and Brian broke up ages ago. 132 00:07:02,960 --> 00:07:04,279 Oh, we're getting on really well at the moment. 133 00:07:04,280 --> 00:07:06,519 I don't want to balls it up...again. 134 00:07:06,520 --> 00:07:09,239 I'm waiting for the right moment. 135 00:07:09,240 --> 00:07:13,879 A little advice - don't dilly-dally too long. Sam's a beautiful woman. 136 00:07:13,880 --> 00:07:15,679 Someone else will get in there if you don't hurry up. 137 00:07:15,680 --> 00:07:22,439 'So, life was pretty shit - 30-something, single, terrible job and I live with this.' 138 00:07:22,440 --> 00:07:26,479 This cup of tea tastes of BLEEPing BLEEP! 139 00:07:26,480 --> 00:07:30,839 Dorothy Treacher, if you continue acting like a child, I shall put you across my knee. 140 00:07:30,840 --> 00:07:33,639 Oh BLEEP this BLEEP, I'm going for a bath. 141 00:07:33,640 --> 00:07:35,319 What the hell? 142 00:07:35,320 --> 00:07:37,879 Eddie, don't you think it's time we put Treacher in a home? 143 00:07:37,880 --> 00:07:39,999 No, you can't do that, they're awful. 144 00:07:40,000 --> 00:07:42,839 Hey, you're insulting one of the places Eddie works, Missy. 145 00:07:42,840 --> 00:07:44,119 Sorry, Eddie. 146 00:07:44,120 --> 00:07:48,319 No, that's all right, I agree with you. That's why I mainly do home visits. 147 00:07:48,320 --> 00:07:52,799 It upsets me to see the elderly being thrown out by their families, like they're being tossed in a bin. 148 00:07:52,800 --> 00:07:54,439 Come on, Eddie, she's getting out of hand. 149 00:07:54,440 --> 00:07:59,519 Try and get her in an old people's bin. Don! Sorry. 150 00:07:59,520 --> 00:08:02,639 Try and get her in an old people's bin, please. That's better. 151 00:08:02,640 --> 00:08:07,359 There's no hot water. Oh, not again. I've only just fixed the boiler. 152 00:08:07,360 --> 00:08:11,879 How am I meant to have a bath? I'm sorry, Dot, you will have to... 153 00:08:11,880 --> 00:08:14,000 Oh, dear God! 154 00:08:15,800 --> 00:08:18,679 Dorothy, put some clothes on immediately. 155 00:08:18,680 --> 00:08:20,680 Why? Too arousing for you? 156 00:08:22,000 --> 00:08:23,679 BLEEP. 157 00:08:23,680 --> 00:08:25,639 I can't believe I just saw Gollum's ning-ning. 158 00:08:25,640 --> 00:08:27,400 I can't believe she's got a Brazilian! 159 00:08:28,800 --> 00:08:30,479 I think it might be time to get rid of the old boiler. 160 00:08:30,480 --> 00:08:32,839 That's what I have been saying, she's nuts in the mind. 161 00:08:32,840 --> 00:08:36,879 What? No, I'm talking about the boiler - the pressure vessel for heating water. 162 00:08:36,880 --> 00:08:41,319 Oh, right. Yeah, come on, landlord, step up to your responsibilities. 163 00:08:41,320 --> 00:08:44,759 Excuse me, but do you know how much a boiler costs these days? 164 00:08:44,760 --> 00:08:45,919 No, how much? 165 00:08:45,920 --> 00:08:50,719 No I'm asking, do you know how much? Because I've already got to fork out for the toilet, 166 00:08:50,720 --> 00:08:53,719 the roof's leaking, the whole place is falling apart and I'm skint. 167 00:08:53,720 --> 00:08:56,360 I'm telling you, I'm going to need a miracle. 168 00:08:57,320 --> 00:09:00,399 What's that? This morning's post. 169 00:09:00,400 --> 00:09:03,520 Oh, will you please put some clothes on? 170 00:09:05,320 --> 00:09:08,200 It's like a large pale raisin's walking about the place. 171 00:09:09,280 --> 00:09:12,639 Oh God. I think it's from my solicitors, Smith and Bitchman. 172 00:09:12,640 --> 00:09:13,759 How can you tell? 173 00:09:13,760 --> 00:09:18,519 Well, it says it's from my solicitors, Smith and Bitchman. Oh. 174 00:09:18,520 --> 00:09:22,120 Great just what I need. More bad news about the house. 175 00:09:25,720 --> 00:09:27,439 John Bon Jesus! 176 00:09:27,440 --> 00:09:29,680 What is it? Is it bad? 177 00:09:31,560 --> 00:09:34,840 It says I'm up-to-date on all payments and if I so wish, I can sell the house. 178 00:09:38,760 --> 00:09:39,959 Woo-hoo! 179 00:09:39,960 --> 00:09:41,719 I'm rich! 180 00:09:41,720 --> 00:09:46,439 I'm stinking filthy rich. Woo-hoo-hoo! Ha-ha! 181 00:09:46,440 --> 00:09:50,159 See you later, you rotting, falling apart, pathetic excuse of a house. 182 00:09:50,160 --> 00:09:53,239 I'm off. I'm out of here. Woo-hoo! 183 00:09:53,240 --> 00:09:55,359 ♪ Baby, you're a rich man 184 00:09:55,360 --> 00:09:57,839 ♪ Baby you're a rich man 185 00:09:57,840 --> 00:10:02,359 ♪ Baby, you're a rich man, too! 186 00:10:02,360 --> 00:10:07,439 ♪ Be a rich man, baby You're a rich man, baby... ♪ 187 00:10:07,440 --> 00:10:10,799 What? Enjoying yourself? 188 00:10:10,800 --> 00:10:12,639 You're not really going to sell, are you, Don? 189 00:10:12,640 --> 00:10:15,639 No, you're right, Eddie, what was I thinking? 190 00:10:15,640 --> 00:10:17,519 Why would I want to make thousands of pounds, 191 00:10:17,520 --> 00:10:19,839 when I could just stay here and live in this shithole? 192 00:10:19,840 --> 00:10:22,560 Congratulations, Don, I'm really happy for you. 193 00:10:25,760 --> 00:10:28,439 This is it, Eddie. Next year's going to be my year, I can feel it. 194 00:10:28,440 --> 00:10:32,159 Getting rid of the dead wood - the house, Treacher... 195 00:10:32,160 --> 00:10:34,359 This bit of dead wood. 196 00:10:34,360 --> 00:10:38,679 Right, remember to speak to the old people's home, yeah? 197 00:10:38,680 --> 00:10:43,799 ♪ Baby, you're a rich man Baby, you're a rich man. ♪ 198 00:10:43,800 --> 00:10:47,439 We are pretty full now, but there is a space coming up on Christmas Eve for Dorothy. 199 00:10:47,440 --> 00:10:49,519 Not normally a great time for people. 200 00:10:49,520 --> 00:10:54,319 No. No, that's great. Thank you, Belinda. 201 00:10:54,320 --> 00:10:57,839 Hey, don't be so down, she'll be fine here. 202 00:10:57,840 --> 00:11:00,199 Oh no, I'm fine, honestly. 203 00:11:00,200 --> 00:11:03,159 'But I wasn't fine, I felt like I was losing everyone. 204 00:11:03,160 --> 00:11:07,239 'Darn it, Eddie, you forgot the first rule of caring - 205 00:11:07,240 --> 00:11:11,839 'never get too close to them - and, boy, did I get too close.' 206 00:11:11,840 --> 00:11:15,159 SILENCE 207 00:11:15,160 --> 00:11:16,639 What are you doing? 208 00:11:16,640 --> 00:11:17,680 SILENCE 209 00:11:18,640 --> 00:11:21,319 Oh, am I doing the mouth thing again? 210 00:11:21,320 --> 00:11:24,320 Sorry, that's just a bad habit I picked up from my friend, Don. 211 00:11:25,880 --> 00:11:30,039 'While Eddie was sorting out Treacher's new home, I went to see a property developer. 212 00:11:30,040 --> 00:11:33,119 'My solicitors told me it would be more profitable 213 00:11:33,120 --> 00:11:34,479 'than if I just sold it through an estate agent.' 214 00:11:34,480 --> 00:11:38,999 SILENCE 215 00:11:39,000 --> 00:11:43,599 Eh, you do realise you're just mouthing words, right? 216 00:11:43,600 --> 00:11:47,800 Oh, sorry, yeah I do that sometimes. I find it hard to think and speak at the same time. 217 00:11:49,200 --> 00:11:50,919 Right. 218 00:11:50,920 --> 00:11:54,279 So let me tell you exactly what we do here, Don. 219 00:11:54,280 --> 00:11:55,879 'Eddie wasn't too happy about this, though. 220 00:11:55,880 --> 00:11:58,719 'He's worried about what they might do to the house.' 221 00:11:58,720 --> 00:11:59,759 He told me to be... 222 00:11:59,760 --> 00:12:02,119 easily won over by whatever they are going to offer you. 223 00:12:02,120 --> 00:12:04,519 Find out what they are going to do with it, first. 224 00:12:04,520 --> 00:12:05,959 It's a beautiful building. 225 00:12:05,960 --> 00:12:07,519 Please don't forget that. 226 00:12:07,520 --> 00:12:12,279 Let me cut to the chase, Don. We're willing to pay twice what you'd get. 227 00:12:12,280 --> 00:12:15,959 I'm in, where do I sign? What? Really? 228 00:12:15,960 --> 00:12:16,999 God, I'm good. 229 00:12:17,000 --> 00:12:18,879 That was easy. 230 00:12:18,880 --> 00:12:24,079 I mean, normally people get a bit put off when they hear we're knocking down their beautiful home 231 00:12:24,080 --> 00:12:28,319 and replacing it with an ugly-looking block of ugly-looking flats. 232 00:12:28,320 --> 00:12:30,199 You are doing what now? 233 00:12:30,200 --> 00:12:32,480 Nothing. 234 00:12:35,440 --> 00:12:41,479 So let's wrap this deal up ASAP and then we can get you that lovely large sum of money. 235 00:12:41,480 --> 00:12:43,599 How does that sound, Don? Oh, yes, please. 236 00:12:43,600 --> 00:12:47,559 SILENCE 237 00:12:47,560 --> 00:12:49,759 You know you're doing it now? 238 00:12:49,760 --> 00:12:51,320 Am I? 239 00:12:52,360 --> 00:12:53,839 Shit. 240 00:12:53,840 --> 00:12:56,839 Right, do you want the good news or the bad news first? 241 00:12:56,840 --> 00:12:59,479 Always best to end on a positive. Let's have the bad news first. 242 00:12:59,480 --> 00:13:07,359 The good news is, on January 2, I'm going to have lots of gorgeous money entering my bank account. 243 00:13:07,360 --> 00:13:10,040 Oh! And the bad news? 244 00:13:11,000 --> 00:13:14,559 Well, the bad news is, they're grrldddtt the house. 245 00:13:14,560 --> 00:13:15,599 Sorry? What? 246 00:13:15,600 --> 00:13:17,479 They're going to ock down the house. 247 00:13:17,480 --> 00:13:18,679 No, didn't catch that. 248 00:13:18,680 --> 00:13:20,359 They're going to ock down the house. 249 00:13:20,360 --> 00:13:23,319 Don, for some reason I can't seem to understand what you're saying. 250 00:13:23,320 --> 00:13:26,360 They're going to knock down the house! Oh, Don. 251 00:13:27,480 --> 00:13:29,399 It turns out Costner was wrong all along. 252 00:13:29,400 --> 00:13:31,479 It is, "If you knock it down, they will come." 253 00:13:31,480 --> 00:13:33,799 You BLEEPing idiot. 254 00:13:33,800 --> 00:13:37,199 Look, it's my house, OK? She's talking to the telly, Don, not you. 255 00:13:37,200 --> 00:13:40,119 It's Deal Or No Deal, it always gets her in a tizzle. 256 00:13:40,120 --> 00:13:43,839 Oh, yeah, look, he's saying no to a seven grand offer. Idiot! 257 00:13:43,840 --> 00:13:46,959 Not him. The other one. There! 258 00:13:46,960 --> 00:13:49,959 That's Noel Edmonds, the presenter. 259 00:13:49,960 --> 00:13:53,720 I know, look at him. BLEEPing idiot! 260 00:13:54,960 --> 00:13:59,479 Don, seeing as Dorothy's going to be leaving us on Christmas Eve, 261 00:13:59,480 --> 00:14:03,039 what do you about us all going out for a farewell dinner tonight? 262 00:14:03,040 --> 00:14:07,599 I've heard about this fantastic new steak house, called Meat Freaks. 263 00:14:07,600 --> 00:14:11,600 You know, for people who are freaks for meat. OK. 264 00:14:12,720 --> 00:14:14,279 'I could tell Sam was annoyed with me. 265 00:14:14,280 --> 00:14:16,639 'I thought I'd better smooth things over.' 266 00:14:16,640 --> 00:14:18,319 Do you hate me? 267 00:14:18,320 --> 00:14:19,760 Of course I don't. 268 00:14:20,800 --> 00:14:24,559 I just think you could have looked at other options first, but it's your house. 269 00:14:24,560 --> 00:14:28,800 They've offered me a lot of money. I know and I am happy for you. 270 00:14:31,080 --> 00:14:34,600 I guess I'm just sad to see the old place go. I'm going to miss it. 271 00:14:35,760 --> 00:14:38,759 Hey, Zeus! I never thought I'd say that! 272 00:14:38,760 --> 00:14:42,599 You could move in with me to my next place. What? 273 00:14:42,600 --> 00:14:45,799 Yeah, why not, until you finish your last term? 274 00:14:45,800 --> 00:14:47,759 We wouldn't have to put up with the Krankies any more. 275 00:14:47,760 --> 00:14:52,439 Oh, I'm going to be miss being part of the Addams Family. 276 00:14:52,440 --> 00:14:57,759 Do you think that we'd get on, though? I mean, just the two of us? 277 00:14:57,760 --> 00:14:59,840 Get IT on, more like. Don! What? 278 00:15:01,760 --> 00:15:06,279 I thought you were being serious, then. I was. I am. I'm sorry! Oh. 279 00:15:06,280 --> 00:15:08,160 'Smooth, eh?' 280 00:15:10,040 --> 00:15:14,479 Oh, that's won-tabulous! We'll see you at 2000 hours, then. 281 00:15:14,480 --> 00:15:15,959 Toodle-pip! 282 00:15:15,960 --> 00:15:19,719 That's great. Table for five booked at Meat Freaks. 283 00:15:19,720 --> 00:15:23,720 I'd better get you into some gladrags, Dorothy - excited? 284 00:15:25,240 --> 00:15:29,199 Good. Thought you'd appreciate that. 285 00:15:29,200 --> 00:15:33,039 'That night, we all went out for Treacher's farewell dinner.' 286 00:15:33,040 --> 00:15:35,359 Hi, we have a reservation? Name? 287 00:15:35,360 --> 00:15:39,840 Edward Janet Singh. Ah, yes, follow me, sir. 288 00:15:41,480 --> 00:15:44,240 Was she just wearing stockings? 289 00:15:51,000 --> 00:15:53,600 This is a strange restaurant. 290 00:15:59,800 --> 00:16:02,399 Hi, guys, what can I get you? Erm... 291 00:16:02,400 --> 00:16:04,999 Steaks all round? 292 00:16:05,000 --> 00:16:09,359 I'm afraid we don't do food. This is Meat Freaks, isn't it? 293 00:16:09,360 --> 00:16:14,319 Certainly is! What is it, are we not all freaky enough for you? 294 00:16:14,320 --> 00:16:18,879 Hang on, do you mean meat freaks, as in, 295 00:16:18,880 --> 00:16:21,439 let's go and meet some freaks? You've got it. 296 00:16:21,440 --> 00:16:26,519 We're the number one nightspot for celebrating the weird and wonderful. 297 00:16:26,520 --> 00:16:31,319 You thought this was a steakhouse! I'll let you decide on your ord-... 298 00:16:31,320 --> 00:16:34,679 Oh! Where did you get the massive rat? 299 00:16:34,680 --> 00:16:37,799 Freaky! (I like it!) 300 00:16:37,800 --> 00:16:42,199 I should have known, he's done this sort of thing before. 301 00:16:42,200 --> 00:16:44,839 The other week, it was Chicks With Dicks. 302 00:16:44,840 --> 00:16:48,599 Surely that was obvious? Turns out it was a nightclub where women 303 00:16:48,600 --> 00:16:51,399 are only allowed in with someone called Richard. 304 00:16:51,400 --> 00:16:54,999 Hang on, you actually wanted it to be chicks with dicks? 305 00:16:55,000 --> 00:16:59,279 Right, so I'm assuming we all want to go somewhere else, right? 306 00:16:59,280 --> 00:17:03,040 Hang on a minute. I didn't say I wanted to go, did I? 307 00:17:04,960 --> 00:17:08,360 It is Dorothy's farewell. OK. 308 00:17:09,760 --> 00:17:12,400 Hey, what's the worst that could happen? 309 00:17:18,000 --> 00:17:21,040 UPBEAT TRUMPET WITH MUTE PLAYS 310 00:17:32,720 --> 00:17:37,439 It's weird, being in a club and not being hit on by any dickheads. 311 00:17:37,440 --> 00:17:41,199 It's a compliment. People come here to meet someone strange. 312 00:17:41,200 --> 00:17:42,480 Exhibit A. 313 00:17:43,520 --> 00:17:47,559 You didn't come out hoping to meet someone, did you? Of course not. 314 00:17:47,560 --> 00:17:52,359 But it's Christmas! It's a bit shit being single this time of year. 315 00:17:52,360 --> 00:17:55,519 Anyway, I'm going to go for a Francis of Apee-pee. 316 00:17:55,520 --> 00:17:59,599 Oh, and yes, Don, I would love another drink, thank you(!) 317 00:17:59,600 --> 00:18:02,559 Well? Surely now's your moment? 318 00:18:02,560 --> 00:18:06,079 Really? She's practically begging for a boyfriend. 319 00:18:06,080 --> 00:18:08,599 I didn't get that. Are you an idiot? 320 00:18:08,600 --> 00:18:11,919 No, Jason, and it hurts my feelings you even asking. 321 00:18:11,920 --> 00:18:16,760 That's it, I give up. Clearly you don't like her as much as you say. 322 00:18:18,000 --> 00:18:19,879 You not pulled yet, Gollum? 323 00:18:19,880 --> 00:18:21,599 I would have thought they'd love you! 324 00:18:21,600 --> 00:18:25,399 You may be surprised, but I prefer the conventional type. 325 00:18:25,400 --> 00:18:29,759 You know - handsome, debonaire. That IS surprising. 326 00:18:29,760 --> 00:18:31,519 And a massive cock. 327 00:18:31,520 --> 00:18:33,880 Right, great. 328 00:18:39,080 --> 00:18:42,039 Hey. Hey. 329 00:18:42,040 --> 00:18:45,239 You all right? Yeah, great. 330 00:18:45,240 --> 00:18:49,599 Well, maybe not great. I'm dreading tomorrow, to be honest. 331 00:18:49,600 --> 00:18:52,159 Why? It's Christmas Eve! 332 00:18:52,160 --> 00:18:55,879 Yeah, and I'm spending it with my mum this year. 333 00:18:55,880 --> 00:19:00,039 I feel bad, but we just argue all the time, 334 00:19:00,040 --> 00:19:02,159 so I think, what's the point in going? 335 00:19:02,160 --> 00:19:05,679 And she always gives me such a hard time about men. 336 00:19:05,680 --> 00:19:09,319 I'm only 26 and she says I'm wasting my life by being single. 337 00:19:09,320 --> 00:19:13,559 That's ridiculous. Isn't it?! Having said that, 338 00:19:13,560 --> 00:19:18,799 I do wish that I had someone to take with me, just to shut her up. 339 00:19:18,800 --> 00:19:22,799 I think I know someone who might do that for you. 340 00:19:22,800 --> 00:19:24,720 Really? Who? 341 00:19:28,680 --> 00:19:32,759 Hey, what's everyone drinking? Wow, you've perked up. Yeah. 342 00:19:32,760 --> 00:19:35,039 I don't feel so bad about going down to my mum's now. 343 00:19:35,040 --> 00:19:38,999 Cool. Yeah, Jason said he'd come with me. 344 00:19:39,000 --> 00:19:43,199 It's really sweet of him, isn't it? Yeah. What?! 345 00:19:43,200 --> 00:19:45,639 I can't believe you're trying to steal Sam from me. 346 00:19:45,640 --> 00:19:46,919 She's not yours to steal. 347 00:19:46,920 --> 00:19:50,559 How could you be so evule and hurtfule and spitefule? 348 00:19:50,560 --> 00:19:53,839 I warned you it would happen? When? I told you time and time again - 349 00:19:53,840 --> 00:19:57,719 if you don't do it soon, someone else will. You never said it would be you! 350 00:19:57,720 --> 00:19:59,759 You should have read between the lines. Don. 351 00:19:59,760 --> 00:20:02,400 I'm not clever enough to do that, Jason. 352 00:20:04,400 --> 00:20:09,279 Look, I like Sam. A lot. I always have. 353 00:20:09,280 --> 00:20:12,199 So why have you never said anything, then? 354 00:20:12,200 --> 00:20:17,479 Because I was being a friend to you. A friend? A friend?! A friend? 355 00:20:17,480 --> 00:20:19,599 A friend, a friend. 356 00:20:19,600 --> 00:20:22,919 A friend? It sounds weird now, doesn't it? A friend. 357 00:20:22,920 --> 00:20:25,399 Look, I backed off for ages. 358 00:20:25,400 --> 00:20:27,679 I kept it to myself and it's been killing me. 359 00:20:27,680 --> 00:20:31,799 How long was I meant to wait? You're clearly never going to do anything. 360 00:20:31,800 --> 00:20:33,239 TOILET FLUSHES 361 00:20:33,240 --> 00:20:36,599 Oh, sorry, I thought this was the men's. 362 00:20:36,600 --> 00:20:39,240 Yes, it is the men's. 363 00:20:40,800 --> 00:20:44,479 'So I spent the rest of the night drowning my sorrows. 364 00:20:44,480 --> 00:20:46,880 'I woke up feeling pretty rotten.' 365 00:20:57,640 --> 00:20:59,840 No. No, I can't have. 366 00:21:06,400 --> 00:21:09,359 Oh fuck! All right? 367 00:21:09,360 --> 00:21:13,439 Listen, whatever happened last night stays between us. 368 00:21:13,440 --> 00:21:17,519 Jon Bon Jesus, how drunk did you get me, woman? What you talking about? 369 00:21:17,520 --> 00:21:21,559 This! Us! God, I can't even believe I'm saying "us". 370 00:21:21,560 --> 00:21:25,399 I've lowered my standards before, but this is off the scale. Eurgh! 371 00:21:25,400 --> 00:21:30,159 Don't be disgusting. As if I'd ever have you as a sex opponent. 372 00:21:30,160 --> 00:21:32,359 You mean, we didn't... Course not. 373 00:21:32,360 --> 00:21:35,079 Eddie put me in here a couple of hours ago, 374 00:21:35,080 --> 00:21:37,959 cos Gollum did poo-poo in bed. 375 00:21:37,960 --> 00:21:39,680 Then who was I...? 376 00:21:45,480 --> 00:21:49,080 Thank God. It was just a male midget. 377 00:21:51,600 --> 00:21:53,719 'I wasn't prepared to lose Sam. 378 00:21:53,720 --> 00:21:57,120 'I decided I needed to do something - and quickly.' 379 00:21:58,680 --> 00:22:01,679 Do you not want to say toodle-pip to Jason and Samantha? 380 00:22:01,680 --> 00:22:04,199 They just left. Why would I want to say goodbye to Jason? 381 00:22:04,200 --> 00:22:05,799 He stabbed me in the back. 382 00:22:05,800 --> 00:22:08,399 What do you mean? He's trying to steal Sam from me. 383 00:22:08,400 --> 00:22:10,639 I don't understand how he could be so evule. 384 00:22:10,640 --> 00:22:13,239 He's the first proper, normal friend I've ever had. 385 00:22:13,240 --> 00:22:15,640 What about me? I said normal. 386 00:22:17,240 --> 00:22:20,759 Sometimes I just get the feeling people don't care about me, Eddie. 387 00:22:20,760 --> 00:22:26,039 Maybe it's something to do with the way you behave. Go on. 388 00:22:26,040 --> 00:22:29,399 I know that deep down you're a good person, 389 00:22:29,400 --> 00:22:33,519 but maybe if you were a bit nicer to people - a bit more likeable - 390 00:22:33,520 --> 00:22:35,240 then you'd be more popular. 391 00:22:37,080 --> 00:22:39,879 APPLAUSE 392 00:22:39,880 --> 00:22:41,599 Morning, Don! 393 00:22:41,600 --> 00:22:45,079 How was your date last night? Not great. 394 00:22:45,080 --> 00:22:47,479 I was sat there for almost an hour, thinking 395 00:22:47,480 --> 00:22:49,279 she must have gotten cold feet. 396 00:22:49,280 --> 00:22:51,039 ALL: Aah. 397 00:22:51,040 --> 00:22:53,999 Turns out I was at the wrong place! 398 00:22:54,000 --> 00:22:55,040 LAUGHTER 399 00:22:56,000 --> 00:22:59,119 You see, we were meant to meet at Ricky's Diner, 400 00:22:59,120 --> 00:23:01,640 but I went to Mickey's Diner! 401 00:23:03,360 --> 00:23:05,120 Donald, you are sweet. 402 00:23:07,000 --> 00:23:10,719 CHEERING 403 00:23:10,720 --> 00:23:14,679 Morning, Dorothy. Good morning, lovely boy. 404 00:23:14,680 --> 00:23:18,079 Did you sleep well? Actually, no. 405 00:23:18,080 --> 00:23:21,599 I was up all night tossing and turning. 406 00:23:21,600 --> 00:23:26,799 Same here. Well, more tossing than turning, if you know what I mean! 407 00:23:26,800 --> 00:23:27,840 SILENCE 408 00:23:32,320 --> 00:23:35,039 I am trying to be a better person, Eddie. Look, 409 00:23:35,040 --> 00:23:38,279 I'm writing a song for Samantha, for her Christmas present. Lovely! 410 00:23:38,280 --> 00:23:39,959 I want to seduce her with my melodies. 411 00:23:39,960 --> 00:23:43,919 I figure it's the only way I can genuinely express myself without messing it up. 412 00:23:43,920 --> 00:23:45,479 Lovely! 413 00:23:45,480 --> 00:23:47,839 Then, when she realises she should be with me, 414 00:23:47,840 --> 00:23:50,279 Jason can go fuck himself, deep in his own asshole. 415 00:23:50,280 --> 00:23:53,279 Oh, lovely(!) 416 00:23:53,280 --> 00:23:56,039 Could you drive me down to her mum's tonight, to drop it off? 417 00:23:56,040 --> 00:23:59,799 I can't, Don. I'm meant to be dropping Dot off at the elderly centre later. 418 00:23:59,800 --> 00:24:00,839 Please, Eddie. 419 00:24:00,840 --> 00:24:03,119 We'll just drive down, drop off the present 420 00:24:03,120 --> 00:24:05,519 and drive back before the old fogey home closes. 421 00:24:05,520 --> 00:24:08,599 Please? Come on, when do I ever ask for anything from you? 422 00:24:08,600 --> 00:24:11,079 All right, silly question. 423 00:24:11,080 --> 00:24:15,319 All right, Don. If it helps you get the girl, then you can count on me. 424 00:24:15,320 --> 00:24:17,679 Why do you keep...? I don't know. 425 00:24:17,680 --> 00:24:21,919 ♪ It's beginning to look a lot like Christmas 426 00:24:21,920 --> 00:24:27,120 ♪ Everywhere you go. ♪ 427 00:24:29,960 --> 00:24:33,080 Merry Chrimble, Samantha! Hello. 428 00:24:34,800 --> 00:24:36,679 You back home for the holly-bubs, are you? Yeah. 429 00:24:36,680 --> 00:24:40,239 Jason, these are our neighbours - Anne and Derek Yeaman. Hi. 430 00:24:40,240 --> 00:24:45,599 Yes, we are. High on life. Poppets, come and say greetings. 431 00:24:45,600 --> 00:24:49,519 Hello, do you remember me? What's your name, little fella? Billy. 432 00:24:49,520 --> 00:24:51,679 My name's Samantha. Jason. 433 00:24:51,680 --> 00:24:53,160 No, Samantha. 434 00:24:56,360 --> 00:25:00,359 She is a beacon of light in a world of darkness. 435 00:25:00,360 --> 00:25:02,559 They chose her name because of me. 436 00:25:02,560 --> 00:25:07,439 And I pray every night that she grows up to look just like you. 437 00:25:07,440 --> 00:25:09,839 Oh, thanks. 438 00:25:09,840 --> 00:25:12,479 Now, now, poppet, behave, 439 00:25:12,480 --> 00:25:14,879 otherwise Santa won't visit us tonight. 440 00:25:14,880 --> 00:25:17,479 (Highly unlikely.) 441 00:25:17,480 --> 00:25:20,719 Yes, Dalek has hired a Santa Claus to visit this evening. 442 00:25:20,720 --> 00:25:23,359 Can't wait to see the little mites' faces. 443 00:25:23,360 --> 00:25:27,839 Dalek? It's just a silly nickname for Derek. 444 00:25:27,840 --> 00:25:30,680 Exterminate! Exterminate! 445 00:25:34,080 --> 00:25:37,399 Hello! Mum? 446 00:25:37,400 --> 00:25:40,359 THEY WHISPER 447 00:25:40,360 --> 00:25:42,719 Yes, can I help? 448 00:25:42,720 --> 00:25:46,359 Merry Christmas. I'm sorry, you are...? 449 00:25:46,360 --> 00:25:51,679 I mean, you resemble my daughter, but it's been so long 450 00:25:51,680 --> 00:25:55,119 since she visited, I barely remember what she looks like. 451 00:25:55,120 --> 00:25:58,320 Mother, let's not cause a scene. We have company, see? 452 00:26:00,600 --> 00:26:05,239 You didn't tell me you were bringing a boy. Yes, this is Jason. 453 00:26:05,240 --> 00:26:08,919 Jeanette Parker, nee Whittle. Nice to meet you. 454 00:26:08,920 --> 00:26:14,519 What do you do for a living? Mum! What? I'm getting to know the man. 455 00:26:14,520 --> 00:26:17,519 I'm a manager of a shop. 456 00:26:17,520 --> 00:26:19,599 Oh, so, what is it? 457 00:26:19,600 --> 00:26:22,039 Is he great in the bedroom? 458 00:26:22,040 --> 00:26:24,279 Mum! Drink, Jason? 459 00:26:24,280 --> 00:26:26,399 It's two o'clock. 460 00:26:26,400 --> 00:26:30,879 No, it's Christmas. Yeah, why not? I'll have a... 461 00:26:30,880 --> 00:26:33,080 You'll have what you're given. 462 00:26:35,080 --> 00:26:39,759 I warned you she can be a total nightmare. No, she seems fine. 463 00:26:39,760 --> 00:26:41,959 < Jason? 464 00:26:41,960 --> 00:26:47,080 I'm assuming you'll probably want Malibu. Am I right? 465 00:26:50,680 --> 00:26:53,439 It stinks in here. Sorry. 466 00:26:53,440 --> 00:26:56,239 That was you? Don't know. 467 00:26:56,240 --> 00:26:58,639 Happens without me knowing these days. 468 00:26:58,640 --> 00:27:02,519 Smells like one of mine, though. 469 00:27:02,520 --> 00:27:04,239 What are we doing? 470 00:27:04,240 --> 00:27:09,359 We need to get some snacks. Dorothy, would you like a refrigerated scotch egg from the petrol shop? 471 00:27:09,360 --> 00:27:12,199 Yeah, all right. You're getting out? 472 00:27:12,200 --> 00:27:14,799 You actually want people to know you're the driver of this thing? 473 00:27:14,800 --> 00:27:17,160 Why? What's wrong with it? 474 00:27:20,240 --> 00:27:25,159 ♪ Away in a manger... ♪ 475 00:27:25,160 --> 00:27:26,800 Ah. 476 00:27:28,720 --> 00:27:33,080 Oh, the tree is beautiful, isn't she? 477 00:27:35,040 --> 00:27:38,720 Look at me, I'm weeping like a small girl's blouse. 478 00:27:40,680 --> 00:27:44,399 I just love Christmas so much. Oh, darling. 479 00:27:44,400 --> 00:27:49,599 Listen, why don't you pop yourself upstairs and have 480 00:27:49,600 --> 00:27:51,679 a nice, hot, creamy, bubble bath, 481 00:27:51,680 --> 00:27:54,559 before (you-know-who arrives)? 482 00:27:54,560 --> 00:27:59,479 Good idea, Booby. I'm a bit of a Sweaty Betty, aren't I? 483 00:27:59,480 --> 00:28:02,799 Which one is it? Not sure. It's one of these. 484 00:28:02,800 --> 00:28:05,559 OK, well, good luck. 485 00:28:05,560 --> 00:28:07,199 Hmmm. 486 00:28:07,200 --> 00:28:08,959 What's up? 487 00:28:08,960 --> 00:28:12,119 It seems a shame to come all this way just to drop off a present. 488 00:28:12,120 --> 00:28:14,719 Don, I told you, I have to get back to drop Dorothy off. 489 00:28:14,720 --> 00:28:17,279 No, no, no, it's fine. We won't stay. 490 00:28:17,280 --> 00:28:21,079 I just want to make a big entrance, win Sam's affections, 491 00:28:21,080 --> 00:28:23,119 emotionally seduce her. 492 00:28:23,120 --> 00:28:25,239 So when I leave, she's all like, 493 00:28:25,240 --> 00:28:27,599 "Oh, I miss Don, I wish he was still here." 494 00:28:27,600 --> 00:28:30,759 And then Jason can go fuck himself deep in his own asshole! 495 00:28:30,760 --> 00:28:33,999 I saw a man do that once on the internet. 496 00:28:34,000 --> 00:28:37,639 Not as arousing as it sounds. 497 00:28:37,640 --> 00:28:41,639 Yeah, I'm really going to miss you, Dobbo(!) 498 00:28:41,640 --> 00:28:44,599 Ooh, why don't you wear my Santa suit? 499 00:28:44,600 --> 00:28:48,479 No-one can resist Father Christmas. Works every time. 500 00:28:48,480 --> 00:28:53,199 Bon Jovi, Eddie, you might be on to something there. Clever balls. 501 00:28:53,200 --> 00:28:57,399 ♪ Oh, come all ye faithful... ♪ 502 00:28:57,400 --> 00:28:59,879 Mummy, look! 503 00:28:59,880 --> 00:29:02,239 Oh! 504 00:29:02,240 --> 00:29:05,839 Dalek! Dalek! 505 00:29:05,840 --> 00:29:08,199 Our guest has arrived. 506 00:29:08,200 --> 00:29:11,119 ♪ To Be-ethlehem 507 00:29:11,120 --> 00:29:15,599 ♪ Come and behold him Born the King of Angels. ♪ 508 00:29:15,600 --> 00:29:19,799 I can't wait to see their faces when I bowl in dressed like this. 509 00:29:19,800 --> 00:29:23,319 What an entrance. Jesus, Eddie, these are massive. 510 00:29:23,320 --> 00:29:25,199 What size are you, you fatty, bum-bum? 511 00:29:25,200 --> 00:29:28,079 I like to be very method when I'm playing Santa, Don. 512 00:29:28,080 --> 00:29:30,639 I want it to be authentic. 513 00:29:30,640 --> 00:29:35,239 I suppose you could call my approach "Santaslavski"! 514 00:29:35,240 --> 00:29:36,520 HE CHUCKLES 515 00:29:38,280 --> 00:29:41,679 Psst! Over here. 516 00:29:41,680 --> 00:29:45,119 That must be Sam's mum. Wish me luck. Good luck. 517 00:29:45,120 --> 00:29:47,559 Hey. Hi? 518 00:29:47,560 --> 00:29:50,279 Are you Sam's mum? Indeed, I am. 519 00:29:50,280 --> 00:29:52,559 She is going to be so excited to see you. 520 00:29:52,560 --> 00:29:55,559 Really? She mentions me? She talks about nothing else. 521 00:29:55,560 --> 00:30:00,199 Oh, wow. I have to say, you're much younger than I imagined. 522 00:30:00,200 --> 00:30:03,279 Stop that immediately, St Nicholas. 523 00:30:03,280 --> 00:30:06,239 Come on. 524 00:30:06,240 --> 00:30:08,359 ♪ Ding-dong merrily on high.. ♪ 525 00:30:08,360 --> 00:30:12,679 Look who I've just found. Ho, Ho, Ho, Merry Christmas... 526 00:30:12,680 --> 00:30:15,279 Every...body. Santa! 527 00:30:15,280 --> 00:30:20,839 Oh, er...hello, children, have you been good this year? 528 00:30:20,840 --> 00:30:22,840 I have, I have. Yes, yes, yes. 529 00:30:24,800 --> 00:30:26,480 FARTING 530 00:30:29,840 --> 00:30:30,919 Did I do it again? 531 00:30:30,920 --> 00:30:33,680 SINGS HYMN LUSTILY 532 00:30:46,400 --> 00:30:50,999 He's here. Who's here? The Santa you booked. He said he wouldn't be here until 8.30? 533 00:30:51,000 --> 00:30:55,559 Is it? Is that your beard? All right, chill your boots. 534 00:30:55,560 --> 00:31:01,199 I love you, Santa. That's a bit gay. Where are our presents, Santa? 535 00:31:01,200 --> 00:31:04,479 Yeah, we want our presents. I don't have any presents. 536 00:31:04,480 --> 00:31:05,759 Maybe she's upstairs. 537 00:31:05,760 --> 00:31:09,519 CHANTING: Presents, presents, presents, presents, presents... 538 00:31:09,520 --> 00:31:13,080 All right, shush your mouths. I'll give you a present. 539 00:31:15,640 --> 00:31:17,440 There you go. Now, shut up. 540 00:31:22,560 --> 00:31:25,119 What? Screwdriver. 541 00:31:25,120 --> 00:31:29,679 Anyway, you're throwing me in the old biddies' bin on Monday. 542 00:31:29,680 --> 00:31:36,040 My windy backside will be someone else's problem. Strange. 543 00:31:43,360 --> 00:31:49,600 Nights, holy night... Merry Christmas. Who's...? 544 00:31:53,320 --> 00:31:57,959 Keep quiet about this, yeah? Who are you? And what are you doing here? 545 00:31:57,960 --> 00:32:00,399 I thought you knew. I'm here for Samantha. 546 00:32:00,400 --> 00:32:06,439 Oh, Jesus, our Lord and saviour. What do you want with her? Well... 547 00:32:06,440 --> 00:32:11,920 I'll be honest, I'm here to seduce her. Why would you do that? 548 00:32:13,400 --> 00:32:17,559 Well, cos she's sexy. God, you are sick. 549 00:32:17,560 --> 00:32:21,039 I think you should leave, before we call the policeman. 550 00:32:21,040 --> 00:32:25,239 Whoa, no, wait, wait. I think you've got the wrong end of the stick. 551 00:32:25,240 --> 00:32:28,479 You see I'm fairly certain she feels the same way about me. 552 00:32:28,480 --> 00:32:31,240 We almost made love once. Oh! 553 00:32:35,600 --> 00:32:39,120 Please, come on. Oh. 554 00:32:43,400 --> 00:32:50,360 ♪ Here comes Santa Claus Here comes Santa Claus... ♪ 555 00:32:54,800 --> 00:32:56,920 Which one's Dickhead? I can't tell. 556 00:32:58,000 --> 00:32:59,040 Stop! 557 00:33:00,000 --> 00:33:04,040 I'm not sure, but I think he's the one being hit. 558 00:33:16,840 --> 00:33:17,880 Please. 559 00:33:19,120 --> 00:33:20,560 I'm sorry. 560 00:33:22,120 --> 00:33:24,560 Maybe they didn't like his present. 561 00:33:26,240 --> 00:33:28,919 What's going on? Is everything all right? 562 00:33:28,920 --> 00:33:33,319 A paedophile has intruded our home. Hey, Sam. 563 00:33:33,320 --> 00:33:37,400 Merry Christmas! Don? 564 00:33:39,000 --> 00:33:42,440 Well, that went well. 565 00:33:47,640 --> 00:33:49,559 Right, I've calmed the Yeamans' down, 566 00:33:49,560 --> 00:33:51,319 they're not going to call the police now. 567 00:33:51,320 --> 00:33:54,399 I should be the one calls them, after what that Santa did to me. 568 00:33:54,400 --> 00:33:56,279 That's what Greg Pitcher's victim said. 569 00:33:56,280 --> 00:34:00,159 You completely ruined their Christmas. You're such a fuckwit. 570 00:34:00,160 --> 00:34:03,639 I'm sorry. I was trying to do something nice for you. 571 00:34:03,640 --> 00:34:06,999 Look, I've brought you your present, see? 572 00:34:07,000 --> 00:34:08,759 You could have just given this when I got back. 573 00:34:08,760 --> 00:34:12,359 But I wanted you to open it on Christmas Day. 574 00:34:12,360 --> 00:34:16,279 It's a...very personal present. 575 00:34:16,280 --> 00:34:21,679 Right. Well, thanks. 576 00:34:21,680 --> 00:34:24,200 Merry Christmas? 577 00:34:27,400 --> 00:34:29,040 Don, are you all right? 578 00:34:35,280 --> 00:34:37,879 It's probably time to hit the hay. Big day tomorrow. 579 00:34:37,880 --> 00:34:43,559 Oh, you're probably right. Jamal, will you help me up? It's Jason. 580 00:34:43,560 --> 00:34:45,600 It's what? 581 00:34:47,920 --> 00:34:50,199 Ooh, haven't you got lovely, long fingers! 582 00:34:50,200 --> 00:34:54,920 I wonder what you get up to with those? 583 00:34:58,600 --> 00:34:59,759 Right, here you go. 584 00:34:59,760 --> 00:35:05,239 Oh, I thought...you know, we... 585 00:35:05,240 --> 00:35:08,159 We might be sharing. Oh! 586 00:35:08,160 --> 00:35:09,999 Um, Jason, I... 587 00:35:10,000 --> 00:35:14,199 Look, I really appreciate you coming here with me, 588 00:35:14,200 --> 00:35:15,759 but it was never like that. 589 00:35:15,760 --> 00:35:19,999 I thought you knew. Sorry! No, it's fine. 590 00:35:20,000 --> 00:35:23,279 I didn't have any plans this year, anyway, so, eh... 591 00:35:23,280 --> 00:35:27,279 Cool. Yeah. 592 00:35:27,280 --> 00:35:32,200 OK... All right. I'll see you in the morning. OK. 593 00:35:47,960 --> 00:35:49,919 Not so fast, young man. 594 00:35:49,920 --> 00:35:51,599 If she's not interested, 595 00:35:51,600 --> 00:35:55,879 I certainly want to see what you can do with those fingers. 596 00:35:55,880 --> 00:35:58,440 ♪ MUSIC: "Mrs Robinson" by Simon and Garfunkel 597 00:36:07,320 --> 00:36:09,999 Well, it's too late to drop Dot off now. 598 00:36:10,000 --> 00:36:13,159 I just hope they don't mind us arriving on Christmas morning. 599 00:36:13,160 --> 00:36:16,839 Ah, Dot, are you sure you should be drinking that now? 600 00:36:16,840 --> 00:36:18,959 Don't be such a poof! 601 00:36:18,960 --> 00:36:21,319 Eddie, I've been thinking. 602 00:36:21,320 --> 00:36:25,159 After she's moved out, there's no real reason for you to be here? 603 00:36:25,160 --> 00:36:28,519 I'd still like to come over and help out around the house. 604 00:36:28,520 --> 00:36:31,319 Nothing's changed there. But I'm moving out soon. 605 00:36:31,320 --> 00:36:33,719 It's time I got used to doing things on my own - 606 00:36:33,720 --> 00:36:35,479 without you and Treacher. 607 00:36:35,480 --> 00:36:37,680 And...Sam. 608 00:36:39,760 --> 00:36:42,879 But I... I' ve already thought about this. What if... Sorry. 609 00:36:42,880 --> 00:36:46,679 But I... No. Maybe... I can't. Don... No. 610 00:36:46,680 --> 00:36:48,799 What if... I'm sorry. Don... Please. 611 00:36:48,800 --> 00:36:52,400 Don't. Please... . No. I can't... Stop this madness! 612 00:36:54,240 --> 00:36:59,399 Look, it's been great having you around, but I just think 613 00:36:59,400 --> 00:37:02,999 we all have to accept it's the end of an era. 614 00:37:03,000 --> 00:37:04,080 OK? 615 00:37:05,680 --> 00:37:06,840 Absolutely. 616 00:37:12,560 --> 00:37:15,519 What are you doing? Come on. 617 00:37:15,520 --> 00:37:18,159 No, no, no. Come on. 618 00:37:18,160 --> 00:37:19,600 Ow. 619 00:37:30,760 --> 00:37:33,399 What have I told you about hugging me? 620 00:37:33,400 --> 00:37:37,799 If I ever do it again, you'll kick me the penis? Yes. 621 00:37:37,800 --> 00:37:41,719 Now, if you don't mind, I'm feeling depressed and horny, 622 00:37:41,720 --> 00:37:44,759 so I'm going to go upstairs and masturcry. 623 00:37:44,760 --> 00:37:45,960 Goodnight. 624 00:37:48,120 --> 00:37:52,960 Masturcry? Mastur... Oh! Oh. 625 00:37:56,200 --> 00:38:02,159 'So on Christmas Day 2011, Eddie took Dorothy Treacher to her new home.' 626 00:38:02,160 --> 00:38:05,239 So, welcome to your new home, Dorothy. 627 00:38:05,240 --> 00:38:08,039 Not very attractive, are they? 628 00:38:08,040 --> 00:38:11,599 Oh, it's a companion you're after, is it? 629 00:38:11,600 --> 00:38:15,440 Companion, fuck-buddy, sex opponent - whatever you want to call it. 630 00:38:16,800 --> 00:38:20,240 Could we just have a moment, please? Of course. 631 00:38:22,520 --> 00:38:26,399 Dot. What? What did I tell you about how to behave in this place? 632 00:38:26,400 --> 00:38:29,240 Behave as badly as possible? 633 00:38:30,840 --> 00:38:35,879 'Meanwhile, I was spending Christmas Day all on my lonesome. 634 00:38:35,880 --> 00:38:40,439 'At least next year, I'll have loads of money and a new bachelor pad. 635 00:38:40,440 --> 00:38:43,200 ' 636 00:39:01,480 --> 00:39:05,639 So, hello, Samantha. Welcome to your Christmas present. 637 00:39:05,640 --> 00:39:08,599 I've never been very good at expressing myself, 638 00:39:08,600 --> 00:39:12,839 always seem to say the wrong thing, so I've decided to write you a song. 639 00:39:12,840 --> 00:39:14,800 I hope you like it. 640 00:39:19,480 --> 00:39:25,040 ♪ Christmas time is for giving 641 00:39:26,480 --> 00:39:32,120 ♪ And for living out your fantasies 642 00:39:34,920 --> 00:39:39,800 ♪ So I would like to get naked 643 00:39:41,200 --> 00:39:46,800 ♪ And by naked, I mean, emotionally 644 00:39:51,200 --> 00:39:54,919 ♪ I want to tell you what's on my mind 645 00:39:54,920 --> 00:39:58,519 ♪ I think about you every day and night 646 00:39:58,520 --> 00:40:03,560 ♪ I just wish you'd spend Christmas time with me 647 00:40:04,840 --> 00:40:07,120 ♪ That's my fantasy 648 00:40:09,600 --> 00:40:14,480 ♪ I know I've done some things that are stupid 649 00:40:18,040 --> 00:40:22,120 ♪ But I hope that one day you will forgive me 650 00:40:25,200 --> 00:40:29,199 ♪ I want to tell you what's on my mind 651 00:40:29,200 --> 00:40:33,159 ♪ I think about you every day and night 652 00:40:33,160 --> 00:40:37,560 ♪ I just wish you'd spend Christmas time with me 653 00:40:39,240 --> 00:40:43,199 ♪ That's my fantasy 654 00:40:43,200 --> 00:40:46,639 ♪ You and me 655 00:40:46,640 --> 00:40:49,679 ♪ That's my fantasy 656 00:40:49,680 --> 00:40:52,639 ♪ Let's make this a bit more Christmassy, come on 657 00:40:52,640 --> 00:41:00,239 ♪ Hear the bells ringing out Christmas time 658 00:41:00,240 --> 00:41:06,120 ♪ Hear the bells ringing out Christmas time 659 00:41:08,000 --> 00:41:13,880 ♪ Hear the bells ringing out Christmas time 660 00:41:16,120 --> 00:41:18,759 ♪ Hear the bells ringing out Christmas time. ♪ 661 00:41:18,760 --> 00:41:20,519 What are you doing? 662 00:41:20,520 --> 00:41:23,399 I want to spend Christmas with Don. 663 00:41:23,400 --> 00:41:25,079 ♪ Christmas time. ♪ 664 00:41:25,080 --> 00:41:26,759 And mum? 665 00:41:26,760 --> 00:41:30,200 Please try and stop hating everyone all the time. 666 00:41:31,160 --> 00:41:33,039 ♪ Christmas time 667 00:41:33,040 --> 00:41:37,120 I don't hate everyone, do I? 668 00:41:38,720 --> 00:41:41,760 ♪ Christmas time 669 00:41:42,840 --> 00:41:44,840 ♪ Christmas time 670 00:41:47,160 --> 00:41:52,920 ♪ With you, me and you. ♪ 671 00:41:57,440 --> 00:41:59,279 Is there any pudding, Eddie? 672 00:41:59,280 --> 00:42:02,359 Christmas isn't Christmas without Christmas pudding. 673 00:42:02,360 --> 00:42:04,559 I don't care, I want it now. 674 00:42:04,560 --> 00:42:07,959 You want Christmas pudding, don't you, Samantha? 675 00:42:07,960 --> 00:42:13,039 What's that, Gollum? You want to pull a cracker? Yeah, sure, OK. 676 00:42:13,040 --> 00:42:16,319 Grab hold of it. I win. You're all right, aren't you? 677 00:42:16,320 --> 00:42:18,799 You haven't had a heart attack. 678 00:42:18,800 --> 00:42:20,199 DOORBELL RINGS 679 00:42:20,200 --> 00:42:23,399 Oh, I suppose I've got to get that, have I? 680 00:42:23,400 --> 00:42:25,119 DOORBELL RINGS 681 00:42:25,120 --> 00:42:27,799 Is the doorbell actually ringing or is that part 682 00:42:27,800 --> 00:42:30,679 of this strangely vivid hallucination I'm having? 683 00:42:30,680 --> 00:42:32,079 DOORBELL RINGS 684 00:42:32,080 --> 00:42:33,880 All right, I'll get it. 685 00:42:39,680 --> 00:42:41,839 Hey. What are you doing back? 686 00:42:41,840 --> 00:42:43,200 Surprise! 687 00:42:44,320 --> 00:42:47,399 'I couldn't believe it. Abby Jones, the girl I used to have 688 00:42:47,400 --> 00:42:49,799 'a big thing for, sitting in my living room again. 689 00:42:49,800 --> 00:42:54,239 'I hadn't seen her in over two years. We spent ages catching up.' 690 00:42:54,240 --> 00:42:57,959 Let me get this straight, you flew to New Zealand, met a guy, 691 00:42:57,960 --> 00:43:01,239 you came back, got married, flew back to New Zealand, got divorced 692 00:43:01,240 --> 00:43:03,479 and now you're back again. 693 00:43:03,480 --> 00:43:05,959 You make it sound like we were barely married. 694 00:43:05,960 --> 00:43:09,760 How long were you together for? Six months. 695 00:43:11,360 --> 00:43:15,559 Yeah. All right. Sorry. 696 00:43:15,560 --> 00:43:19,760 So, I was hoping that there might be room at the inn. Which inn? 697 00:43:20,880 --> 00:43:25,639 Can I crash here for a few days? Oh, right, yes. Of course you can. 698 00:43:25,640 --> 00:43:29,599 It's just until I get the courage to go home and face the music. 699 00:43:29,600 --> 00:43:33,079 You can stay as long as you like. You can have my bed if you want. 700 00:43:33,080 --> 00:43:36,319 Don't be daft, I'm fine on the sofa. Are you insane in the mind? 701 00:43:36,320 --> 00:43:39,479 It's freezing down here and we've only got one heater. 702 00:43:39,480 --> 00:43:42,480 I don't mind sharing, that will keep us warm. 703 00:43:43,680 --> 00:43:46,720 Head to toe, like a sleepover? Hmm, sleepover. 704 00:43:47,960 --> 00:43:51,639 Don Danbury, you have not changed. You mean I haven't aged? 705 00:43:51,640 --> 00:43:54,720 Thank you very much. I wasn't saying that. Oi! 706 00:44:03,200 --> 00:44:07,000 I'm just going to go and check to see what state my room's in. 707 00:44:15,280 --> 00:44:16,359 Don! 708 00:44:16,360 --> 00:44:21,519 Oh. Sorry, I didn't know that Don had company. 709 00:44:21,520 --> 00:44:22,880 I'm Abby. 710 00:44:25,280 --> 00:44:27,919 Abby. Yeah, right, Don's mentioned you. 711 00:44:27,920 --> 00:44:30,079 Sorry, you are? 712 00:44:30,080 --> 00:44:35,559 Sam, Don's...flatmate. He didn't mention he had a flatmate. 713 00:44:35,560 --> 00:44:37,759 He didn't? 714 00:44:37,760 --> 00:44:41,280 No, of course he didn't. I mean, why would he? 715 00:44:42,800 --> 00:44:45,079 Abigail, are you coming up or what? 716 00:44:45,080 --> 00:44:47,720 It was really lovely to meet you, Sam. 717 00:45:10,880 --> 00:45:14,160 No, no, they're a bit tight. They're pinching me. 718 00:45:16,680 --> 00:45:20,479 Can I have a word? You can have two if you like. 719 00:45:20,480 --> 00:45:22,079 One of them's "off". 720 00:45:22,080 --> 00:45:25,599 Don, I've come to apologise. It's a bit late, innit? 721 00:45:25,600 --> 00:45:29,200 Please, can we talk in private? Lover's tiff? 722 00:45:35,040 --> 00:45:38,639 Look, Don, I'm sorry, OK? Are you? Are you sorry? 723 00:45:38,640 --> 00:45:43,079 Are you actually sorry? You know, I have feelings too. 724 00:45:43,080 --> 00:45:44,439 I've been besotted with Sam for ages. 725 00:45:44,440 --> 00:45:47,679 I've had to sit here and listen to you go on and on about it. 726 00:45:47,680 --> 00:45:49,719 How about you listen to how I feel? 727 00:45:49,720 --> 00:45:55,639 I listen. I'm a great listener. People call me "The Listener". 728 00:45:55,640 --> 00:45:58,439 Look, I thought about what I did to you and, yeah, 729 00:45:58,440 --> 00:46:01,039 I could have handled it better. 730 00:46:01,040 --> 00:46:02,679 I'm sorry. 731 00:46:02,680 --> 00:46:04,840 I'm actually quite ashamed. 732 00:46:05,800 --> 00:46:09,759 Look, if I'm being honest, I'm just a bit lonely, Don, 733 00:46:09,760 --> 00:46:12,879 and I just want to be... You think we could complete in two days? 734 00:46:12,880 --> 00:46:17,239 Don! I'll call you back. Sorry, what? 735 00:46:17,240 --> 00:46:18,279 Never mind. 736 00:46:18,280 --> 00:46:22,439 So, anyway, I hear Abby's back in town, right? 737 00:46:22,440 --> 00:46:24,679 How did you hear about that? Well, Sam told me. 738 00:46:24,680 --> 00:46:28,039 You've seen Sam? Where is she? She hasn't been to the house. 739 00:46:28,040 --> 00:46:30,879 Well, you're shacked up with Abby, aren't you? 740 00:46:30,880 --> 00:46:33,359 I'm not shacked up with Abby! 741 00:46:33,360 --> 00:46:37,439 That's what Sam seems to think. What? No! No! 742 00:46:37,440 --> 00:46:40,279 I don't get it. Why does she think you are, then? 743 00:46:40,280 --> 00:46:42,839 Oi, Abigail, are you coming up or what? 744 00:46:42,840 --> 00:46:45,320 It was really lovely to meet you, Sam. 745 00:46:47,040 --> 00:46:51,239 Hey. Hey. You didn't tell me you had a gorgeous new flatmate! 746 00:46:51,240 --> 00:46:54,559 Oh, what, Sam? Yeah. She's been here a while now. 747 00:46:54,560 --> 00:47:00,039 She seems really nice. How would you know? I just met her. Downstairs. 748 00:47:00,040 --> 00:47:03,520 Sam! Sam? 749 00:47:08,240 --> 00:47:09,919 Are you sure it was her? 750 00:47:09,920 --> 00:47:13,039 No, you're right, I must have imagined talking to her. 751 00:47:13,040 --> 00:47:14,199 I don't get it. 752 00:47:14,200 --> 00:47:16,719 Don, what is going on? 753 00:47:16,720 --> 00:47:19,639 This may be the most grown-up thing I've ever said, 754 00:47:19,640 --> 00:47:21,879 but I don't think I can sleep with you tonight. 755 00:47:21,880 --> 00:47:25,559 We were only sharing a bed. Yeah, but it might have led to something. 756 00:47:25,560 --> 00:47:27,999 It wouldn't. It might, you know what it's like. 757 00:47:28,000 --> 00:47:31,639 It wouldn't have. Cuddling, spooning. It really wouldn't have. 758 00:47:31,640 --> 00:47:34,439 Don't get me wrong, I used to have a crush on you. 759 00:47:34,440 --> 00:47:37,639 I can't believe I finally admitted that! 760 00:47:37,640 --> 00:47:40,840 See? I can express myself. I'm growing up. 761 00:47:42,160 --> 00:47:49,280 But I love Sam. She's the first person I've ever developed a proper connection with. 762 00:47:57,320 --> 00:48:00,560 'I waited up all night for Sam to return. 763 00:48:04,240 --> 00:48:05,640 'But she never did.' 764 00:48:07,200 --> 00:48:10,519 So now, she won't even return my calls. 765 00:48:10,520 --> 00:48:12,640 SOBBING 766 00:48:15,000 --> 00:48:16,959 Dude, are you crying? 767 00:48:16,960 --> 00:48:21,360 You really love her, don't you? And she doesn't even know it. 768 00:48:23,840 --> 00:48:26,879 Hey. Hey, there, there. 769 00:48:26,880 --> 00:48:30,359 I'm sorry. I'm just an old romantic at heart. 770 00:48:30,360 --> 00:48:32,399 You're telling me! 771 00:48:32,400 --> 00:48:33,439 Hey, listen, 772 00:48:33,440 --> 00:48:38,839 if the Bridges of Madison County ever comes on your telly, switch it over. 773 00:48:38,840 --> 00:48:41,600 That would floor you! Yeah! 774 00:48:44,480 --> 00:48:46,040 People can see us! 775 00:48:47,480 --> 00:48:52,959 Come on, Jase, tell me where Sam is, please. She's staying at mine. 776 00:48:52,960 --> 00:48:56,119 What are you doing? I'm going to see her. 777 00:48:56,120 --> 00:49:00,879 She's out. She knew you'd be out, so she went to get her stuff from your place. Donald! 778 00:49:00,880 --> 00:49:04,119 We need to have words. Look, I'm sorry, but I've got to go. 779 00:49:04,120 --> 00:49:06,959 I don't think so, Mister, come here, immediately. 780 00:49:06,960 --> 00:49:09,440 I'll deal with this. 781 00:49:12,880 --> 00:49:13,920 Go! 782 00:49:15,440 --> 00:49:17,999 Get out of the way. 783 00:49:18,000 --> 00:49:19,239 Get out! 784 00:49:19,240 --> 00:49:21,920 I will step over you. 785 00:49:23,080 --> 00:49:26,519 Sam! Sam? 786 00:49:26,520 --> 00:49:31,719 Has Sam been back here? Yes, she left about 20 minutes ago. She was in a bit of a panic. 787 00:49:31,720 --> 00:49:35,759 What do you mean? She mentioned a message on the answer machine. 788 00:49:35,760 --> 00:49:37,999 She was a bit frosty with me, to be honest, 789 00:49:38,000 --> 00:49:39,200 so I just kept out of her way. 790 00:49:41,040 --> 00:49:45,519 'Hi, there, this is Belinda Myers from the Elderly Centre. 791 00:49:45,520 --> 00:49:47,199 'We're having a bit of an emergency with Dorothy Treacher and wondered 792 00:49:47,200 --> 00:49:49,679 'if you could pop down as soon as possible.' 793 00:49:49,680 --> 00:49:54,039 I didn't know people still had an answering machines! I didn't know WE had one. 794 00:49:54,040 --> 00:49:57,919 Listen, Abby, I need your help. I've got to try and win Sam back. 795 00:49:57,920 --> 00:50:00,359 I'm all yours. What do you need? KNOCK AT DOOR 796 00:50:00,360 --> 00:50:03,039 Please open the door, Dorothy. 797 00:50:03,040 --> 00:50:05,839 Treach, it's me, Sam. 798 00:50:05,840 --> 00:50:08,119 I just swung by for a visit. 799 00:50:08,120 --> 00:50:10,679 Hey, is everything OK? Thanks for coming. 800 00:50:10,680 --> 00:50:12,359 It's all right, I'm here for her. 801 00:50:12,360 --> 00:50:14,439 Right, she's locked herself in her room... 802 00:50:14,440 --> 00:50:18,439 No, no, no, I'm here for HER. We need to talk. 803 00:50:18,440 --> 00:50:21,039 Don, we're worried about Treacher. 804 00:50:21,040 --> 00:50:22,319 She's been in there for ages. 805 00:50:22,320 --> 00:50:24,799 I'm not with Abby. I never was. 806 00:50:24,800 --> 00:50:27,439 Well, what's she doing here, then? 807 00:50:27,440 --> 00:50:28,799 She just gave me a lift. 808 00:50:28,800 --> 00:50:30,559 I wanted to help him get to you. 809 00:50:30,560 --> 00:50:31,919 What's going on? 810 00:50:31,920 --> 00:50:33,279 I'm trying to win Sam back. 811 00:50:33,280 --> 00:50:35,359 Actually, we're trying to help Dorothy. 812 00:50:35,360 --> 00:50:36,799 We're trying to help Dorothy, 813 00:50:36,800 --> 00:50:39,039 but while they're doing that, I'm trying to win Sam back. 814 00:50:39,040 --> 00:50:40,599 I'll go for the door. 815 00:50:40,600 --> 00:50:42,959 I saw her go up to you. 816 00:50:42,960 --> 00:50:45,679 Then I came back down, but you were gone. 817 00:50:45,680 --> 00:50:49,399 Sam, you have always been the one for me. 818 00:50:49,400 --> 00:50:51,280 We're the same. 819 00:50:52,800 --> 00:50:54,959 Do you really think this can work? 820 00:50:54,960 --> 00:50:57,999 I mean, we are both terrible at relationships. 821 00:50:58,000 --> 00:51:00,719 Exactly, we're the same. 822 00:51:00,720 --> 00:51:03,399 Please open the door, Dorothy. 823 00:51:03,400 --> 00:51:06,040 I listened to that song you wrote. 824 00:51:07,280 --> 00:51:08,600 And? 825 00:51:10,000 --> 00:51:11,800 I loved it. 826 00:51:21,680 --> 00:51:23,679 Holy Costner. 827 00:51:23,680 --> 00:51:27,159 For BLEEP sake, Henry, will you just get it in me. 828 00:51:27,160 --> 00:51:29,319 It's no use, Dorothy. 829 00:51:29,320 --> 00:51:32,960 Too many creases and wrinkles and I can't tell which one's your muffin. 830 00:51:36,760 --> 00:51:39,479 I'm sorry, but in all the time I've worked here, 831 00:51:39,480 --> 00:51:41,799 I've never seen such disgusting things. 832 00:51:41,800 --> 00:51:44,039 And I've worked here for three weeks. 833 00:51:44,040 --> 00:51:46,079 She's a bad influence. 834 00:51:46,080 --> 00:51:48,959 She's been here for six days and she's created chaos. 835 00:51:48,960 --> 00:51:52,079 She steals medication, she crushes her pills and snorts them, 836 00:51:52,080 --> 00:51:54,119 uses profanities at the top of her voice, 837 00:51:54,120 --> 00:51:55,999 she walks around in the nude, 838 00:51:56,000 --> 00:51:58,519 she sexually dominates the weaker gentleman. 839 00:51:58,520 --> 00:52:00,439 ALL: Aw! 840 00:52:00,440 --> 00:52:02,559 Classic Treacher. 841 00:52:02,560 --> 00:52:03,719 It pains me to say this, 842 00:52:03,720 --> 00:52:06,319 but we're going to have to let her go, I'm sorry. 843 00:52:06,320 --> 00:52:08,319 No! What? You can't do that. 844 00:52:08,320 --> 00:52:10,760 She's got nowhere else to go. 845 00:52:12,320 --> 00:52:15,920 I got here as quick as I could. Why? 846 00:52:17,200 --> 00:52:19,040 I don't know. 847 00:52:20,040 --> 00:52:22,199 Eddie, can you look after her for a while, 848 00:52:22,200 --> 00:52:24,079 just till we find another place to go? 849 00:52:24,080 --> 00:52:26,999 I'd love to, but I'm sleeping in the Santa van at the moment. 850 00:52:27,000 --> 00:52:30,759 Living the American dream. Stop it. Sorry. 851 00:52:30,760 --> 00:52:34,119 Could you do it? Me? No, I can't. 852 00:52:34,120 --> 00:52:38,639 I don't know where I'm going to be. I'll take her. What? 853 00:52:38,640 --> 00:52:42,159 No, she'll just have to find another place again when you move out. 854 00:52:42,160 --> 00:52:44,319 Not if I don't sell. 855 00:52:44,320 --> 00:52:46,879 Guys, I spent one day in that house on my own 856 00:52:46,880 --> 00:52:49,479 and I almost went insane. 857 00:52:49,480 --> 00:52:51,959 All right, I went insane. 858 00:52:51,960 --> 00:52:56,719 Look, you're my family and I missed you. 859 00:52:56,720 --> 00:52:59,480 Yes, even Gollum, believe it or not. 860 00:53:01,520 --> 00:53:03,959 That will be a lot of money you are turning down. 861 00:53:03,960 --> 00:53:07,279 I don't care. I'm willing to make that sacrifice. 862 00:53:07,280 --> 00:53:10,479 You see, I'm growing up and taking some responsibility. 863 00:53:10,480 --> 00:53:13,799 And now that I've grown up and become a man, 864 00:53:13,800 --> 00:53:15,559 there's just one last thing I need to say to you. 865 00:53:15,560 --> 00:53:17,119 What's that? 866 00:53:17,120 --> 00:53:19,119 Will you come out with me? 867 00:53:19,120 --> 00:53:21,040 SHE LAUGHS 868 00:53:25,000 --> 00:53:26,040 Oh... 869 00:53:35,200 --> 00:53:37,679 Yes! Oh, why did you wait that long?! 870 00:53:37,680 --> 00:53:41,560 That was like an X Factor result pause! That was horrible! 871 00:53:43,800 --> 00:53:44,840 Come here. 872 00:53:51,840 --> 00:53:53,720 I told you it would work, didn't I? 873 00:53:54,840 --> 00:53:56,959 Dot? What? 874 00:53:56,960 --> 00:53:59,759 What did I tell you about how to behave in this place? 875 00:53:59,760 --> 00:54:02,600 Behave as badly as possible? 876 00:54:06,200 --> 00:54:07,240 Exactly. 877 00:54:12,400 --> 00:54:16,719 Hey, you're not going to grow up too much, are you? 878 00:54:16,720 --> 00:54:19,639 Because I quite like the fact that you're a bit of a fuckwit. 879 00:54:19,640 --> 00:54:22,240 Hmm. "Cool-smart". 880 00:54:23,560 --> 00:54:26,719 Come on, everybody! Ten... 881 00:54:26,720 --> 00:54:28,679 ALL: Nine...eight... 882 00:54:28,680 --> 00:54:30,639 Wait, is it the time already? 883 00:54:30,640 --> 00:54:31,679 ALL: ..six... 884 00:54:31,680 --> 00:54:35,959 No, it's just gone six. They need to be in bed, so we're pretending it's 12 already. 885 00:54:35,960 --> 00:54:37,439 ALL: ..two...one... 886 00:54:37,440 --> 00:54:40,839 ALL: Happy New Year! 887 00:54:40,840 --> 00:54:43,719 CHEERING 888 00:54:43,720 --> 00:54:50,880 ♪ Should auld acquaintance be forgot And never brought to mind... ♪ 889 00:54:52,440 --> 00:54:55,479 ♪ Walking through the doors to somewhere else 890 00:54:55,480 --> 00:55:00,039 ♪ Turning the handle I watched it melt - all over me 891 00:55:00,040 --> 00:55:02,239 ♪ Picking up the ways I couldn't be 892 00:55:02,240 --> 00:55:04,919 ♪ Picking up the things I never see 893 00:55:04,920 --> 00:55:08,679 ♪ In front of my eyes 894 00:55:08,680 --> 00:55:11,560 ♪ Is it going to be Is it going to be all right? 895 00:55:13,440 --> 00:55:16,400 ♪ Is it going to be Is it going to be all right? 896 00:55:17,720 --> 00:55:22,639 ♪ Yeah, it's going to be Yeah, it's going to be all right 897 00:55:22,640 --> 00:55:23,719 ♪ Yeah, it's going to be 898 00:55:23,720 --> 00:55:27,599 ♪ Yeah, it's going to be all right 899 00:55:27,600 --> 00:55:29,719 ♪ Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa 900 00:55:29,720 --> 00:55:32,279 ♪ Took a little time but now he's changed 901 00:55:32,280 --> 00:55:34,559 ♪ Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa 902 00:55:34,560 --> 00:55:36,519 ♪ Took a little time but now he's changed 903 00:55:36,520 --> 00:55:37,559 ♪ Whoa, whoa 904 00:55:37,560 --> 00:55:38,839 ♪ Whoa, whoa 905 00:55:38,840 --> 00:55:41,439 ♪ Took a little time but now he's changed 906 00:55:41,440 --> 00:55:45,040 ♪ Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa! 907 00:55:48,600 --> 00:55:51,279 ♪ Is it going to be Is it going to be all right? 908 00:55:51,280 --> 00:55:53,199 Is it going to be all right now? 909 00:55:53,200 --> 00:55:56,039 ♪ Is it going to be Is it going to be all right? 910 00:55:56,040 --> 00:55:57,679 ♪ Is it going to be? Is it going to be? 911 00:55:57,680 --> 00:56:00,679 ♪ Yeah, it's going to be Yeah, it's going to be all right 912 00:56:00,680 --> 00:56:02,319 ♪ Yeah, it's going to be all right 913 00:56:02,320 --> 00:56:05,239 ♪ Yeah, it's going to be Yeah, it's going to be all right 914 00:56:05,240 --> 00:56:07,519 ♪ It's not going to be all right 915 00:56:07,520 --> 00:56:09,960 ♪ Is it going to be Is it going to be all right? 916 00:56:11,440 --> 00:56:15,999 ♪ Is it going to be Is it going to be all right? 917 00:56:16,000 --> 00:56:19,480 ♪ Yeah, it's going to be Yeah, it's going to be all right 918 00:56:21,480 --> 00:56:26,199 ♪ Yeah, it's going to be Yeah, it's going to be all right 919 00:56:26,200 --> 00:56:28,720 ♪ Is it going to be Is it going to be all right? 920 00:56:30,400 --> 00:56:35,119 ♪ Is it going to be Is it going to be all right? 921 00:56:35,120 --> 00:56:39,559 ♪ Yeah, it's going to be Yeah, it's going to be all right 922 00:56:39,560 --> 00:56:44,399 ♪ Yeah, it's going to be Yeah, it's going to be all right 923 00:56:44,400 --> 00:56:48,839 ♪ Is it going to be Is it going to be all right? 924 00:56:48,840 --> 00:56:52,159 ♪ Is it going to be Is it going to be all right? ♪ 925 00:56:52,160 --> 00:56:53,519 THEY CHEER 926 00:56:53,520 --> 00:56:56,560 Subtitles by Red Bee Media Ltd 927 00:56:56,610 --> 00:57:01,160 Repair and Synchronization by Easy Subtitles Synchronizer 1.0.0.0